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brosedshield The longer I watch SPN, the longer I believe that John Winchester gave his sons two parts of his personality, and divided it, the good and the bad, between them. Below is a poem (a rather prosy poem? i think it's a poem? I am determinedly NOT checking to see how close I got to iambic pentameter)
Definite SPOILERS through S2.01 and rather vague spoilers through...S5? Really really vague. I will resist the rambling commentary until I can maybe make it less rambling.
What John Winchester Bequeathed to his Sons
He never could multitask. To love his sons and love his hate in the same breath was beyond him.
John gave them a life on the road, the Impala’s low growl and a codependency he used but never planned.
He gave them guns, and knives and a hundred different ways to kill and reason why, and left them.
He left them Christmases without gifts and Halloweens that hunched over on themselves, dreading November. For saints and angels, Winchesters never gave a damn, but on All Soul’s Day they mourned the death that mattered.
He gave up his soul for one son, and—for his own good—lied to the other: though Dean was never good enough, and Sammy should have shut his mouth and done what he was told.
He gave them orders, expectation and criticism. He gave them a hard world, and was the rock they beat themselves against and tried to be.
He gave them phone numbers he never answered, a life he didn’t want for them, and a sure knowledge they could never replace or recreate the life they lost with Mary.
Each day of their lives, John built saving people into their bones, taught them about right and wrong, black and white, and proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that the monsters were always real.
He gave Sam obsession, and gave Dean despair, and bailed before he knew how much they mattered to the world.
Or how badly he had fucked them up.
Definite SPOILERS through S2.01 and rather vague spoilers through...S5? Really really vague. I will resist the rambling commentary until I can maybe make it less rambling.
What John Winchester Bequeathed to his Sons
He never could multitask. To love his sons and love his hate in the same breath was beyond him.
John gave them a life on the road, the Impala’s low growl and a codependency he used but never planned.
He gave them guns, and knives and a hundred different ways to kill and reason why, and left them.
He left them Christmases without gifts and Halloweens that hunched over on themselves, dreading November. For saints and angels, Winchesters never gave a damn, but on All Soul’s Day they mourned the death that mattered.
He gave up his soul for one son, and—for his own good—lied to the other: though Dean was never good enough, and Sammy should have shut his mouth and done what he was told.
He gave them orders, expectation and criticism. He gave them a hard world, and was the rock they beat themselves against and tried to be.
He gave them phone numbers he never answered, a life he didn’t want for them, and a sure knowledge they could never replace or recreate the life they lost with Mary.
Each day of their lives, John built saving people into their bones, taught them about right and wrong, black and white, and proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that the monsters were always real.
He gave Sam obsession, and gave Dean despair, and bailed before he knew how much they mattered to the world.
Or how badly he had fucked them up.
* * *
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no subject
Date: 2010-10-09 06:11 am (UTC)Obsession and despair, though. That's what it all boils down to.
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Date: 2010-10-09 06:16 am (UTC)*shifty eyes*
YES! Obession and despair. Because John gives up SO EASILY in the beginning of S2. It's just "My son is dying. I'm a horrible person. Hey, I'm going to go make a deal with my GREATEST ENEMY because that's the best idea right now because I SUCK."
Yeah, I find him fascinating, but am def. not a fan.
no subject
Date: 2010-10-09 06:20 am (UTC)What really galls me is how he had NO faith in Sam whatsoever to save himself or avoid his ~destiny~. What the fuck, John. He didn't even try to warn Sam or impart some final words of courage!
My icon, I must say, is awesome.
no subject
Date: 2010-10-09 06:27 am (UTC)Does it make it bad that many of the times the boys have died, I have thought it would have been for the best if they had just stayed dead? That they would have found some measure of peace or maybe someone would have BROUGHT them back in a way that didn't cost them their souls and their self-respect and their entire senses of self-worth? Maybe?
Actually, S6 is the only exception. Because no one was going to actually be happy, because we now know that the afterlife SUCKS all the way around, but definitely exists, and who KNOWS where the Winchesters are going NOW.
Seriously, I wonder this. Because they have been EVERYWHERE now, and didn't really enjoy anyplace, so...yeah, they are so screwed.
no subject
Date: 2010-10-09 06:34 am (UTC)Because yeah, right now, whenever I hear that most SPN of songs on the radio ("Carry On My Wayward Son," of course, by KANSAS of all bands), it always makes me spazz for the SPN-ness, but then I BAWL at the "heaven awaits you" line. Every time.
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Date: 2011-02-03 12:37 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-03 05:40 am (UTC)